What do we learn from the pain of losing a child? I know that we are irrevocably changed, but do we gain something from our grief? Does our obsession to find answers help us to become something better?
Perhaps it is when we finally decide to live – when we make ourselves move on – that we channel our energies into something good.
I suspect our grief causes us to become more generous, or more altruistic than we might otherwise have been. I see bereaved parents:
lobbying for positive change
joining groups like Compassionate Friends who come together to offer comfort
Right after my son’s accident, I could only recall memories of his last 6 months while living with us.
It is only recently that the early memories have returned: my son as a baby, toddler, adolescent, and teen – such heartbreaking images.
Allowing myself to remember what he was – to me and to others, takes me to a dark, lonely place. In this space, I have no wish to speak; to listen; or to invite anyone in. Time passes, much like you see in a movie when everything freezes; white noise and nothing-ness blocks the world from getting in. It is a seductive, solitary place…….and I find it very healing.
“Grief can’t be shared. Everyone carries it alone. His own burden in his own way.” Anne Morrow Lindbergh