8 months today

I can’t believe 8 months has passed since my son’s accident.  I wasn’t watching the calendar, but should have realized as the physical pain and emotions began to build yesterday.  One thing that is different though – the memories of the accident day haven’t gone away but they do have blurry edges……..  

Last week, a friend offered to help me look through the last box of my son’s belongings.  I had been saving that last box; probably the same impulse that makes me delay reading the last chapter of a really good book – because I don’t want it to end.  But it was time.    

What an odd experience – I was in the moment and I was also watching myself

……..holding his Boy Scout shirt; reading little notes that he wrote; getting teary looking at the old photos; smiling at finger-paintings from 1982; and laughing out loud at his 8-year-old Christmas list (He cut pictures from every catalog he could find, stuffed them inside a manila envelope and wrote on the front: all i want is in here)

a wonderful flood of bittersweet memories

 And I kept thinking, “Why didn’t I save more of his things?”  

Maybe we need to live each day in a way that celebrates the present.  Is that the lesson I need to understand??


1 thought on “8 months today

  1. I wish I had taken more time before going through our son’s things. If I could, I would recommend parents putting their child’s things in three piles: absolutely okay to dispose of; absolutely need to keep; unsure to keep nor not. Box up the “keep” things; get rid of the disposable things; and, then box up the “unsure” things and review now and then or whenever enough time has passed to know whether you want to keep the things or not.

    Celebrating the present often has roots in the past. We are the sum of our past experiences. Our grief over the death of our child is the process of moving from the “what was” to the “what will be” – moving from a world with our child in it to a world without our child in it. Some people need to hold onto more things than others do. We each, individually, need to be allowed to take adequate time to make that decision for ourselves and when the time is right for us to do that.

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