small mercies

I had a long, painful conversation with my sister who understands what it feels like to lose a child; she has been my rock.  I know how much it hurts her to see me in pain.  When she asked me if I had prayed for God to take away some of my pain, I had to wonder why I was holding on so tightly to my grief.  

I realized that because people were getting back to the business of living, I was afraid that my son would be forgotten. That would be like losing him all over again. 

The next day, I awoke knowing that my son was sent here for restoration and reconciliation.  In the 6 months he lived with us before he died, he learned to love himself, and accept that he was loved. 

I’m so grateful that God sent him here to me before taking him home.

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3 thoughts on “small mercies

  1. I don’t think we will ever know the “whys”, but I have to remind myself to trust that His timing is perfect. And His reasons are perfect. It is so easy to become so immersed in the pain, grief and raw emotion of loss, which I forget that NOTHING can happen that God doesn’t allow. Having said that, it is human nature to want to question why a loving God could allow so much pain. I do know that if God allowed this to happen, he is more that capable to equip us with everything we need to walk (or crawl) through this.
    I’m glad you were given the gift of those months with him before his death. I can’t imagine if you hadn’t had that time of restoration. You are amazing. The depth of emotion you share and the insight you give to those in the same situation, is helpful and healing.

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