How can I know what to ask you for, when each day is a surprise?
Remember the line from Forrest Gump, “….life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are going to get.”
My days are like that. Some are filled with a visceral, knife-like pain. Other days, I may be teary-eyed and sad. I could be in my quiet space, or pacing and hyper-vigilant – waiting for the “storm” to burst forth.
Most likely, I am feeling conflicted: impatient with myself for feeling so lost – – yet terrified that “feeling better” might mean forgetting my son. Or, it may just be a “normal” day.
So, no surprise that I am often at a loss when friends ask me, “What can I do for you?”
I can only tell you what would help me at that very moment (to think about yesterday is too painful; to envision tomorrow is too scary). But, there are some things that are always helpful:
Listen when I tell his stories; I need to say them and I need to hear them
If you knew him, tell me stories. I love hearing about him, and it’s comforting to know he is being remembered
Please don’t try to cheer me up. It doesn’t work, and it makes me wonder if you are tired of me being sad
Remind me to be patient with myself
Most importantly, I always need your prayers